Friday, August 6, 2010
The Game of Communication
It seems clear that the pragmatic perspective is well conceived. We can see evidence in almost every interaction we have. People often refer to an argument as either winning or losing. What an interesting idea. I can win an argument. This can lead people to drop all sense of personal dignity and respect for the sake of the competition. I once read that the true idea of an argument is to try to understand the opponent’s perspective more than sell our own. My boss says, “Argue as if you are right, and listen as if you know nothing.” Not everyone approaches communication in this manner though. One could see the work of teachers, therapists, and counselors in a more proactive role. They tend have our best interests at heart. However, we could see a therapist’s role in terms of a big game of truth or dare. How or what do they have to do to get us to open up? Maybe all communication can be viewed as a game.
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I really like your boss’s idea to “Argue as if you are right, and listen as if you know nothing.” While it’s true that many people approach arguments as winning or losing, it often feels like no one wins if everyone walks away feeling like they weren’t heard. I also think that many times when someone is deemed the “winner” of the argument, it is not so much because they communicated their points the best or had the most compelling argument, but often because they were just more aggressive and wore the opposite communicator down. In the midst of the competition of an argument, it is difficult to remember that your “opponent” may have something of value to say. I am going to work on “listening as if I know nothing” in the future!
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